I constantly feel a tug-of-war game in my own head. Sometimes I look around and love things. Sometimes I hate every living thing that crosses my path besides dogs and flowers. Sometimes I even hate flowers. It’s true. Feels great to admit it.
Suddenly today it dawned on me. I just need to think and act more like Fran Leibowitz. Be stronger in my convictions. If I hate everyone and everything – fuck it. I’m allowed.
I’m American and I live in Israel. I’m doing so by choice, but there are many, many days when I feel like booking a million dollar one-way ticket “home”. There’s that word again.
“Home” for me still means “New York”. I think of my mom, the streets of Manhattan, my favorite restaurants, little (and big) parks I like to sit in and people-watch, subway lines I take to my friends’ apartments or my old job or some new neighborhood to wander around in…
Barnes & Noble. The Strand. I miss big, beautiful book stores filled with shiny, glossy covers. Endless titles I’ll never get to. An entire floor of stationery, journals, book lamps, bookmarks, mugs, bags of poo and more. I miss Whole Foods, indie movie theaters, my brother, small New England towns.
Of course there are bookstores, parks, friends and restaurants here in Tel Aviv. (There are, however, no subways – and the bus system is closer in efficiency to a horse-and-buggy than a proper mode of public transportation.) But here it’s all a little out of touch. I can read Hebrew, but I don’t connect the words to the meaning intuitively. I can sit at a cafe and read off the menu and order what I want, but the names of my favorite foods do not jump off the page and activate my salivary glands. I hang out with friends but still feel like a part of me is not there.
This post was supposed to be about Fran Leibowitz. Well, until I learn to self-edit this is just the way it’s going to be. I guess I could read some articles on “How to Write Content People Love to Read!” but I don’t really want anyone else reading this yet. Maybe I will write my own post “How to Write Content You Are Proud Of” or “How to Write Creatively with Focus”. Hm…WWFD?