I have a really cute dog.
I don’t want this blog to be about my dog, because I think that’s really lame.
But she’s really, legitimately special:
I know this as a fact. It’s not just because she’s mine.
People come up to me on the street regularly, and claim that she is their dog, that they lost. This has happened 3 times so far, each time progressively more disturbing and offensive.
Attempt to Steal Betsy # 1: (least disturbing)
A crazy guy sitting outside a little bodega-like shop ( פצציה) stopped us and said “That dog looks just like my Jerry! Jerry?” and then started to laugh, and said he was just kidding. I said it wasn’t funny, and waited for my blood pressure to return to normal.
Attempt to Steal Betsy # 2: (a little disturbing)
A crazy lady approached us in the middle of a cross-walk, and said Betsy looks just like her dog that she lost. She walked with us, and wouldn’t stop saying it. She asked if the dog had a chip when I got her – a small identification tag they surgically insert under the dog’s skin, with vaccination and ownership information. Betsy did not have a chip until I took her to the vet to get one. I told the woman this, and she asked me if I was sure. I said yes. She didn’t seem to believe me, and hung around us until I said “OK – bye!” and walked away.
Attempt to Steal Betsy # 3: (horrifyingly absurd)
Last night I took a cab down to Florentin, and had Betsy with me. I opened my door to let Betsy out while I paid the driver. As I was fishing through my wallet for change, a man’s hand appeared in my face. A guy standing next to the cab was shouting “That dog looks like my dog that I lost! Hey, guys – look! It’s Buffy! It’s my dog!” This guy was unbelievable. He acted as though I didn’t exist; he was only interested in the dog who was shivering on my lap out of fear. He shouted “Buffy! Buffy!” at her, to which she responded with a sharp bark.
He then actually tried to take her from me. He reached over my lap, grabbed Betsy and tried yanking her outside. It didn’t work, and I shouted at him “ARE YOU INSANE?!” Rhetorical questions are great in situations like this.
This guy yelled in my face, telling me “It’s my dog! This is my dog!”, demanding I tell him from where I got her. I lied and said friends gave her to me who raised her as a puppy. (I adopted her from a shelter). In response, a girl who was standing with him asked who my friends are, where they live…
He then asked to see her right leg – “If her right leg is broken, she’s my dog.”
Really? I’m sorry you lost your dog with a broken leg. That must have been a difficult feat to accomplish. Take a look at my dog’s leg, which is not broken. She’s also showing no sign of recognition or interest, and she is interested in most humans she meets. You f*cking idiot.
When he saw her leg was in fact intact, I finally finished paying the stunned cab driver. I scrambled out the other side of the cab with Betsy in my arms. I didn’t let her down until we were a block away.